Singing Harmony,
Morgan
I currently have 5 unfinished posts that I've been working on for over a month. Every single time that I sit down to write something, I hit a block - a big one. In all honesty, it's a God-sized block. In all things, God's timing is perfect. This song captures a part of what God's doing in my heart. My favorite line in the whole song is in the very first verse, so don't miss it. It says "And I pray that you will use my life, in whatever name your name is glorified, even if surrendering means leaving everything behind."
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What I'm currently learning(again): When we pray for something, we have a picture in our heads of what that answered prayer will look like. Well guess what, God may answer that prayer, but chances are it won't look just like the pretty little picture we have our heads. Bottom line: God's answer to some of my prayers look differently than I wanted. [But that's okay. I'm constantly reminded as of late: His ways, not mine.]
I've asked God for opportunities to live out the things I believe [not in those exact words, but that was the general idea]. I told the Lord that I want people to see him in my actions and in my words and in how I live my life. Well guess what - God has been giving me plenty of opportunities to live these things out - and it's hard. It's easy to imagine loving people who you LIKE - it's a whole different story when you don't like the people God has placed in your life for you love. Those people that truly need to hear about and see the love of God I don't even like that much. So hard - so frustrating - so humbling.
I've been reminded a lot of God's impartiality towards us. No one is better, no one is worse; we are all sinners. He loves us all - yet why do I look down on other people? Why do I treat others as less than some? As a friend of my said to me the other day, I'm constantly being reminded of the depths of my depravity and that I would be absolutely nothing with out Christ. He's given me an opportunity that is constantly there to show love to two people who right now are the hardest for me to show love to. It's small baby steps that I'm taking - but I'm getting there, and only by the strength of the Lord that I am continuing onward. If I was trying to do this in my own strength I would fail and fall over and over again - believe me, I know because I have all of last semester as proof of that very fact.
I'm learning over and over again to die to myself - my life is to glorify my King, not myself. I wouldn't want it any other way. Thank goodness God's grace is sufficient for all things - I am so desperately in need of it every day.
I've asked God for opportunities to live out the things I believe [not in those exact words, but that was the general idea]. I told the Lord that I want people to see him in my actions and in my words and in how I live my life. Well guess what - God has been giving me plenty of opportunities to live these things out - and it's hard. It's easy to imagine loving people who you LIKE - it's a whole different story when you don't like the people God has placed in your life for you love. Those people that truly need to hear about and see the love of God I don't even like that much. So hard - so frustrating - so humbling.
I've been reminded a lot of God's impartiality towards us. No one is better, no one is worse; we are all sinners. He loves us all - yet why do I look down on other people? Why do I treat others as less than some? As a friend of my said to me the other day, I'm constantly being reminded of the depths of my depravity and that I would be absolutely nothing with out Christ. He's given me an opportunity that is constantly there to show love to two people who right now are the hardest for me to show love to. It's small baby steps that I'm taking - but I'm getting there, and only by the strength of the Lord that I am continuing onward. If I was trying to do this in my own strength I would fail and fall over and over again - believe me, I know because I have all of last semester as proof of that very fact.
I'm learning over and over again to die to myself - my life is to glorify my King, not myself. I wouldn't want it any other way. Thank goodness God's grace is sufficient for all things - I am so desperately in need of it every day.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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I think this is the first time in a long time that I've broken my own rule: never title a blog before you write it. Well, I just did. Whoops. Live on the edge, right? ;) But in all seriousness, there's nothing else I could write about right now other than this, therefore, I know that I shall not deviate from the topic that the title implies.
Throughout my life God has always shown up and revealed to me that He is working and moving in my life. I've always known that and there have been so many different things He's done throughout my life to show me that I am in the right place but never have I been so sure of anything else in my life thus far: I am in the right place. God has never confirmed something so many times and in so many ways. His provision is far beyond what I could have ever imagined - and in so many different ways.
God shown up to tangibly in my life in so many different ways and I am so humbled and blessed beyond words - it's true. This past week I've been walking around campus and suddenly I'll notice that people are looking at me kind of funny, and then I realize that I've been walking around with this ridiculously huge smile on my face, and I can't even pinpoint a single reason why because there are so many!
I've come out of a season of pain and trial and am currently walking in a season of joy and reaping of the blessings that God has placed in my life. I am not under some crazy delusion that life will be all sunshine and butterflies from here on out - absolutely not. Life comes in seasons - but until the seasons change, I'm going to enjoy the one that I am in. I can't explain the freedom I feel right now. I can't find the words to adequately thank the Lord for all that he has done and is doing and will do, and I can't find the words to correctly describe the state of my heart. It is literally indescribable.
And guys - FRIENDS! I have some friends!!!! God is so so so good to me. I don't deserve any of it - which reminds me everyday to thank him and be grateful for the blessings he has poured into my life. To those of you who might still be in the winter season - do not lose heart! Do not grow weary! Persevere, for I know that God is in control. Do not lose heart, my friends - he does not abandon us!
Throughout my life God has always shown up and revealed to me that He is working and moving in my life. I've always known that and there have been so many different things He's done throughout my life to show me that I am in the right place but never have I been so sure of anything else in my life thus far: I am in the right place. God has never confirmed something so many times and in so many ways. His provision is far beyond what I could have ever imagined - and in so many different ways.
God shown up to tangibly in my life in so many different ways and I am so humbled and blessed beyond words - it's true. This past week I've been walking around campus and suddenly I'll notice that people are looking at me kind of funny, and then I realize that I've been walking around with this ridiculously huge smile on my face, and I can't even pinpoint a single reason why because there are so many!
I've come out of a season of pain and trial and am currently walking in a season of joy and reaping of the blessings that God has placed in my life. I am not under some crazy delusion that life will be all sunshine and butterflies from here on out - absolutely not. Life comes in seasons - but until the seasons change, I'm going to enjoy the one that I am in. I can't explain the freedom I feel right now. I can't find the words to adequately thank the Lord for all that he has done and is doing and will do, and I can't find the words to correctly describe the state of my heart. It is literally indescribable.
And guys - FRIENDS! I have some friends!!!! God is so so so good to me. I don't deserve any of it - which reminds me everyday to thank him and be grateful for the blessings he has poured into my life. To those of you who might still be in the winter season - do not lose heart! Do not grow weary! Persevere, for I know that God is in control. Do not lose heart, my friends - he does not abandon us!
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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And yet again I am reminded that God is always fully in control and despite how it feels in the moment, He does know what He's doing. The last three weeks have been such a whirlwind. I literally feel like I've been back at school for ever - but it's not even been a month yet. I have seen God's faithfulness and His provision in ways that I could never have imagined. It's very humbling.
Looking back on last spring and seeing the decisions I made then, I never would have been able to guess that they would have so directly impacted my daily life now, but they do, in HUGE ways. When I came back to school in January of 2010 I wasn't sure I wanted to come back to Lee in August, through that conversation and several other miscommunications/misunderstandings and, what I know now was God's hand at work, I needed a roommate for the fall. I met a girl and within 2 weeks of meeting each other we had decided to live together in the fall. As the semester was coming to a close, I realized that I had made a hasty decision and hadn't prayed about it at all - and was honestly not looking forward to the fall because I had an idea of the trials that lay ahead. In the middle of the summer the girl messaged me and said she would be living off campus, and then I was again without a roommate for the fall.
As August approached I grew more and more anxious about my living situation and who I would be rooming with. I finally got the assignment a few weeks before school. She seemed nice enough, and I was really excited about my suitemates. Well, a few days before I was schedules to move in I find out they have reassigned us all. This fall, my living situation was less than ideal and I was frustrated with God. I didn't understand why I had to endure what I did, but at the end of everyday I knew there was a purpose and I knew I would be okay. I've learned a lot from the three girls I'm still currently living with and they continue to teach me new things every single day - and that is not an exaggeration. I have learned over the last semester how to actually act on the things I say that I believe, especially when it come to loving ones neighbor, or even enemy for that matter.
If you've read any of my blog posts from the last semester you know that it has been a season of refinement, and as I have said before, we are refined through fire. And yeah, more often than not it is painful. God has and still is teaching me about dependence on Him. He is my safe place. Don't ask me why it has taken me so long to fully realize that. Over the last semester I have been in a season of just walking with the Lord, it's really been just me and my Savior and I finally came to the place where that was okay and I was at peace in the midst of the storm. There truly is nothing else like resting in peace of God.
Last semester I had been praying for a friend - a good friend who was on the same page, who was also seeking the Lord, and someone who could walk with me through life. At the same time I was also praying that God would place someone in my life that I could approach about living with in the fall. Little did I know that the answer to both of those prayers would be the same person.
Let's put it all like this: If I hadn't thought about leaving school I would have stayed living with the girls from last year. If I had stayed living with the girls from last year I never would have signed up to live with the girl who decided to live off campus. If I had not signed up to live with her, I wouldn't have been left as a single person to be placed in housing. If that hadn't happened then I wouldn't have been placed with my current roommate, and if I hadn't been placed with her I never would have learned half of the things that I have from this situation. And if I hadn't had been in the position that I was, I wouldn't have been praying for friends and for a new roommate. And if that hadn't happened I wouldn't have met Sarah, and if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be able to look back on all of these difficult circumstances of the past year and a half and see God's hand at work in every hard situation.
The girl who I had prayed to be friends with is now my friend, and not because I won her over or anything, because to be honest, all of our initial interactions outside of class were at my weakest moments of the semester. Translation: I was coming across like an emotional basket case, and she befriended me not because I gave this great first impression, but because God told her to.
As I prayed for a roommate for the fall, she always kept coming to mind and guess what I told God? "Um are you serious? No. There's no way she'd want to live with me, much less be friends with me! We aren't even friends! How am I supposed to approach her about next fall?? She probably already has a roommate she loves. Yeah, God, this is next to impossible....but okay, I'll pray." And I did. I also thought I was crazy. It seemed impossible and completely out of reach, and then the impossible happened. :) Her roommate moved out and she asked me to live with her! Now, it ended up not being able to come through for this semester, but I can see part of why, and that's okay because, like I am learning, God's timing is perfect in all things. [But don't be fooled, I was not always to confident in that last statement. Just take a look at the posts from the beginning of January. God and I had to wrestle through many things over the last few weeks, but by his grace and his patience he softened my heart and brought me back to the truth that I know, not what my humanity feels. And I can confidently say that I know He is in control.]
This week after much prayer (and let's be honest, a lot of freaking out and doubts that she would agree to this) I asked her about housing next year. :) The conversation was a good one. And now I know that I will be living with amazing people in the fall. I'm so beyond blessed and I am floored by God's provision and amazed at His ability to do what seems impossible. Because, as I too often forget, with God all things are possible.
Looking back on last spring and seeing the decisions I made then, I never would have been able to guess that they would have so directly impacted my daily life now, but they do, in HUGE ways. When I came back to school in January of 2010 I wasn't sure I wanted to come back to Lee in August, through that conversation and several other miscommunications/misunderstandings and, what I know now was God's hand at work, I needed a roommate for the fall. I met a girl and within 2 weeks of meeting each other we had decided to live together in the fall. As the semester was coming to a close, I realized that I had made a hasty decision and hadn't prayed about it at all - and was honestly not looking forward to the fall because I had an idea of the trials that lay ahead. In the middle of the summer the girl messaged me and said she would be living off campus, and then I was again without a roommate for the fall.
As August approached I grew more and more anxious about my living situation and who I would be rooming with. I finally got the assignment a few weeks before school. She seemed nice enough, and I was really excited about my suitemates. Well, a few days before I was schedules to move in I find out they have reassigned us all. This fall, my living situation was less than ideal and I was frustrated with God. I didn't understand why I had to endure what I did, but at the end of everyday I knew there was a purpose and I knew I would be okay. I've learned a lot from the three girls I'm still currently living with and they continue to teach me new things every single day - and that is not an exaggeration. I have learned over the last semester how to actually act on the things I say that I believe, especially when it come to loving ones neighbor, or even enemy for that matter.
If you've read any of my blog posts from the last semester you know that it has been a season of refinement, and as I have said before, we are refined through fire. And yeah, more often than not it is painful. God has and still is teaching me about dependence on Him. He is my safe place. Don't ask me why it has taken me so long to fully realize that. Over the last semester I have been in a season of just walking with the Lord, it's really been just me and my Savior and I finally came to the place where that was okay and I was at peace in the midst of the storm. There truly is nothing else like resting in peace of God.
Last semester I had been praying for a friend - a good friend who was on the same page, who was also seeking the Lord, and someone who could walk with me through life. At the same time I was also praying that God would place someone in my life that I could approach about living with in the fall. Little did I know that the answer to both of those prayers would be the same person.
Let's put it all like this: If I hadn't thought about leaving school I would have stayed living with the girls from last year. If I had stayed living with the girls from last year I never would have signed up to live with the girl who decided to live off campus. If I had not signed up to live with her, I wouldn't have been left as a single person to be placed in housing. If that hadn't happened then I wouldn't have been placed with my current roommate, and if I hadn't been placed with her I never would have learned half of the things that I have from this situation. And if I hadn't had been in the position that I was, I wouldn't have been praying for friends and for a new roommate. And if that hadn't happened I wouldn't have met Sarah, and if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be able to look back on all of these difficult circumstances of the past year and a half and see God's hand at work in every hard situation.
The girl who I had prayed to be friends with is now my friend, and not because I won her over or anything, because to be honest, all of our initial interactions outside of class were at my weakest moments of the semester. Translation: I was coming across like an emotional basket case, and she befriended me not because I gave this great first impression, but because God told her to.
As I prayed for a roommate for the fall, she always kept coming to mind and guess what I told God? "Um are you serious? No. There's no way she'd want to live with me, much less be friends with me! We aren't even friends! How am I supposed to approach her about next fall?? She probably already has a roommate she loves. Yeah, God, this is next to impossible....but okay, I'll pray." And I did. I also thought I was crazy. It seemed impossible and completely out of reach, and then the impossible happened. :) Her roommate moved out and she asked me to live with her! Now, it ended up not being able to come through for this semester, but I can see part of why, and that's okay because, like I am learning, God's timing is perfect in all things. [But don't be fooled, I was not always to confident in that last statement. Just take a look at the posts from the beginning of January. God and I had to wrestle through many things over the last few weeks, but by his grace and his patience he softened my heart and brought me back to the truth that I know, not what my humanity feels. And I can confidently say that I know He is in control.]
This week after much prayer (and let's be honest, a lot of freaking out and doubts that she would agree to this) I asked her about housing next year. :) The conversation was a good one. And now I know that I will be living with amazing people in the fall. I'm so beyond blessed and I am floored by God's provision and amazed at His ability to do what seems impossible. Because, as I too often forget, with God all things are possible.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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There are a lot of different things that I could write about tonight: my frustrations with ResLife at Lee, my current living situation and all that it entails, my classes that make me want to cry, my current desire for money to grow on trees so everyone can stop stressing out about it, or lesson on love and patience that I am apparently in the middle of being taught. All of these things could be a blog post in and of themselves, but tonight, my focus has been redirected, and rightly so.
I spent the last few minutes reading IMPACT 360's blog about the Brazil trip and a post by one of the current student made me instantly flash back to my recent trip to Lebanon and I was struck once again by the importance of that trip and the lessons I learned while there.
Because of the layout of the city of Beirut, we spent a lot of time in the car traveling. As you can see in the picture above, there is not a lot of green. They exploit their land. The city is on the coast (obviously) and there are many mountains and that doesn't stop the building process. There are homes, apartment complexes, and businesses build into the side of mountains. With this in mind, you must understand that because of the way everything is built, if you are up on a mountain you must go down in order to get anywhere else - there is no such thing as cutting across; it's just not laid out like that.
All of that being said, we spend a lot of time in the car and I was privileged to get to see some breathtaking sights. One of my favorite rides was on the way to and from the "Our Lady of Lebanon" statue. In Lebanon the sun starts to go down around 3:30 in the afternoon, which is pretty early compared to what I'm used to. The ride to the statue was one of the most direct paths we took on our entire trip. We just climbed up and up and up and while we were speeding up, we got to see the most breathtaking sight. My mom asked if I was going to try and get a picture and I said no, and that I simply wanted to enjoy it. And that's exactly what I did. We had this amazing view of the ocean and the city. My words seem to be falling so short in description, but if you look at how poorly I am describing this scene, it obviously must have been something magnificent, and it was. On the way back down from the statue, the sun was setting, and it was absolutely flawless. Words truly cannot describe a sunset over the Mediterranean.
I was listening to a song by Addison Road and I was just taken aback and how blessed and privileged I was to be doing what I was doing. I mean, I was in the MIDDLE EAST. Does that click with people?? The Middle East. We were in the heart of the world. Words cannot describe what my heart was feeling in that moment. It was completely surreal, and for a moment it felt like I was in a dream, a long, beautiful dream. It sounds corny, but it's true. I knew in that moment that I wanted to make the most of this trip. Soak up every second and every experience. I didn't want to miss a single thing that God has for me. The trip was not all sunshine and butterflies, believe me, but there is a different kind of fulfillment that comes when you are solely focused on others. The energy that you find to keep going comes straight from the Lord - and you know it.
I spent the last few minutes reading IMPACT 360's blog about the Brazil trip and a post by one of the current student made me instantly flash back to my recent trip to Lebanon and I was struck once again by the importance of that trip and the lessons I learned while there.
All of that being said, we spend a lot of time in the car and I was privileged to get to see some breathtaking sights. One of my favorite rides was on the way to and from the "Our Lady of Lebanon" statue. In Lebanon the sun starts to go down around 3:30 in the afternoon, which is pretty early compared to what I'm used to. The ride to the statue was one of the most direct paths we took on our entire trip. We just climbed up and up and up and while we were speeding up, we got to see the most breathtaking sight. My mom asked if I was going to try and get a picture and I said no, and that I simply wanted to enjoy it. And that's exactly what I did. We had this amazing view of the ocean and the city. My words seem to be falling so short in description, but if you look at how poorly I am describing this scene, it obviously must have been something magnificent, and it was. On the way back down from the statue, the sun was setting, and it was absolutely flawless. Words truly cannot describe a sunset over the Mediterranean.
I was listening to a song by Addison Road and I was just taken aback and how blessed and privileged I was to be doing what I was doing. I mean, I was in the MIDDLE EAST. Does that click with people?? The Middle East. We were in the heart of the world. Words cannot describe what my heart was feeling in that moment. It was completely surreal, and for a moment it felt like I was in a dream, a long, beautiful dream. It sounds corny, but it's true. I knew in that moment that I wanted to make the most of this trip. Soak up every second and every experience. I didn't want to miss a single thing that God has for me. The trip was not all sunshine and butterflies, believe me, but there is a different kind of fulfillment that comes when you are solely focused on others. The energy that you find to keep going comes straight from the Lord - and you know it.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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To say I don't understand what God is doing is a massive understatement. I'm so confused, and I know God is not a God of confusion. The word trust has taken on a whole new meaning the past few days. I'm more used to trusting God with things that I have no control over, but for some reason it's been much harder for me to trust him with things that I feel like I could have some influence over. I know trust is trust, but something seem to be harder to let go of. I'm really bad about letting my mind wander in to the world of what if... it's so unhealthy and I have been working very hard the last few days to not let things go far and take each thought captive.
So I thought I was through falling, well surprise! I wasn't! I'm still falling, I think the earlier part of the week was just the initial jump off the side of the building (again, if you haven't read the Aladdin post from a few days ago, you won't understand this reference).
This song just came on my iTunes (I'm currently listening to my music on shuffle) and it's been very relevant in other times of my life, and yet again it has showed up to bring me comfort.
So I thought I was through falling, well surprise! I wasn't! I'm still falling, I think the earlier part of the week was just the initial jump off the side of the building (again, if you haven't read the Aladdin post from a few days ago, you won't understand this reference).
This song just came on my iTunes (I'm currently listening to my music on shuffle) and it's been very relevant in other times of my life, and yet again it has showed up to bring me comfort.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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Disclaimer: This is about to be an exceedingly honest post.
Scroll down just a little and take a look at the post where I reference Aladdin and once you read that, this following sentence will make sense: I've finished my very long fall and I've landed...and it was definitely a rough landing.
I have been challenged like I have not been challenged in a long time. It is a rare moment in time when I actually understand why God does what he does. I am very frustrated. Sometimes I want life to be fair - and it's not, I know that, but I want it to be. Sometimes it feels like you have been dealt a crappy hand and that at some point, you should be able to catch a break, right? Well guess what, God's plans are greater than we can see. I know all of this. I know all the right answers, but at the moment, let's be honest - I don't like my current situation and to say that I'm a little frustrated would be a gross understatement.
This feels like a really cruel practical joke. Now, I know that God is not mean and not cruel - I'm not saying that he is those things, because hear me clearly - HE IS NOT. What I don't understand is why this opportunity was allowed to be presented to me, especially since it was the EXACT answer to my prayers, only to be taken away from me. That is something I do not understand. It does not seem right.
God and I have spent quite a lot of time discussing this lovely series of events. And I keep getting the same answer in that still, small, quiet voice: Morgan, trust me. Trust. That word can be so hard for me sometimes. Especially when it felt like so many things pointed to the fact that he was going to open the doors that were needed, and he didn't. I know he has a reason for not opening the doors, but I just don't know what the reasons are.
To say that I'm disappointed is also an understatement. I really really wanted this. I'm upset, I won't hide that. I also don't understand this, don't like this, I'm frustrated, I'm hurt, I'm confused, and I'm not sure how long it will take for me to accept this. I know I have to accept it, and I know it isn't changing, I'm just not there yet. I'm far from okay, but I will be okay...at some point.
I know that God is good, I know that he is faithful, and I know that he is in control and I know that no matter what, he will give me the strength to make it through this semester. I know it all of these things and I also believe all of these things. I know that I will be okay, it's just going to take some time.
Scroll down just a little and take a look at the post where I reference Aladdin and once you read that, this following sentence will make sense: I've finished my very long fall and I've landed...and it was definitely a rough landing.
I have been challenged like I have not been challenged in a long time. It is a rare moment in time when I actually understand why God does what he does. I am very frustrated. Sometimes I want life to be fair - and it's not, I know that, but I want it to be. Sometimes it feels like you have been dealt a crappy hand and that at some point, you should be able to catch a break, right? Well guess what, God's plans are greater than we can see. I know all of this. I know all the right answers, but at the moment, let's be honest - I don't like my current situation and to say that I'm a little frustrated would be a gross understatement.
This feels like a really cruel practical joke. Now, I know that God is not mean and not cruel - I'm not saying that he is those things, because hear me clearly - HE IS NOT. What I don't understand is why this opportunity was allowed to be presented to me, especially since it was the EXACT answer to my prayers, only to be taken away from me. That is something I do not understand. It does not seem right.
God and I have spent quite a lot of time discussing this lovely series of events. And I keep getting the same answer in that still, small, quiet voice: Morgan, trust me. Trust. That word can be so hard for me sometimes. Especially when it felt like so many things pointed to the fact that he was going to open the doors that were needed, and he didn't. I know he has a reason for not opening the doors, but I just don't know what the reasons are.
To say that I'm disappointed is also an understatement. I really really wanted this. I'm upset, I won't hide that. I also don't understand this, don't like this, I'm frustrated, I'm hurt, I'm confused, and I'm not sure how long it will take for me to accept this. I know I have to accept it, and I know it isn't changing, I'm just not there yet. I'm far from okay, but I will be okay...at some point.
I know that God is good, I know that he is faithful, and I know that he is in control and I know that no matter what, he will give me the strength to make it through this semester. I know it all of these things and I also believe all of these things. I know that I will be okay, it's just going to take some time.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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