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Morgan
What I'm currently learning(again): When we pray for something, we have a picture in our heads of what that answered prayer will look like. Well guess what, God may answer that prayer, but chances are it won't look just like the pretty little picture we have our heads. Bottom line: God's answer to some of my prayers look differently than I wanted. [But that's okay. I'm constantly reminded as of late: His ways, not mine.]
I've asked God for opportunities to live out the things I believe [not in those exact words, but that was the general idea]. I told the Lord that I want people to see him in my actions and in my words and in how I live my life. Well guess what - God has been giving me plenty of opportunities to live these things out - and it's hard. It's easy to imagine loving people who you LIKE - it's a whole different story when you don't like the people God has placed in your life for you love. Those people that truly need to hear about and see the love of God I don't even like that much. So hard - so frustrating - so humbling.
I've been reminded a lot of God's impartiality towards us. No one is better, no one is worse; we are all sinners. He loves us all - yet why do I look down on other people? Why do I treat others as less than some? As a friend of my said to me the other day, I'm constantly being reminded of the depths of my depravity and that I would be absolutely nothing with out Christ. He's given me an opportunity that is constantly there to show love to two people who right now are the hardest for me to show love to. It's small baby steps that I'm taking - but I'm getting there, and only by the strength of the Lord that I am continuing onward. If I was trying to do this in my own strength I would fail and fall over and over again - believe me, I know because I have all of last semester as proof of that very fact.
I'm learning over and over again to die to myself - my life is to glorify my King, not myself. I wouldn't want it any other way. Thank goodness God's grace is sufficient for all things - I am so desperately in need of it every day.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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Posted by
Morgan
I think this is the first time in a long time that I've broken my own rule: never title a blog before you write it. Well, I just did. Whoops. Live on the edge, right? ;) But in all seriousness, there's nothing else I could write about right now other than this, therefore, I know that I shall not deviate from the topic that the title implies.
Throughout my life God has always shown up and revealed to me that He is working and moving in my life. I've always known that and there have been so many different things He's done throughout my life to show me that I am in the right place but never have I been so sure of anything else in my life thus far: I am in the right place. God has never confirmed something so many times and in so many ways. His provision is far beyond what I could have ever imagined - and in so many different ways.
God shown up to tangibly in my life in so many different ways and I am so humbled and blessed beyond words - it's true. This past week I've been walking around campus and suddenly I'll notice that people are looking at me kind of funny, and then I realize that I've been walking around with this ridiculously huge smile on my face, and I can't even pinpoint a single reason why because there are so many!
I've come out of a season of pain and trial and am currently walking in a season of joy and reaping of the blessings that God has placed in my life. I am not under some crazy delusion that life will be all sunshine and butterflies from here on out - absolutely not. Life comes in seasons - but until the seasons change, I'm going to enjoy the one that I am in. I can't explain the freedom I feel right now. I can't find the words to adequately thank the Lord for all that he has done and is doing and will do, and I can't find the words to correctly describe the state of my heart. It is literally indescribable.
And guys - FRIENDS! I have some friends!!!! God is so so so good to me. I don't deserve any of it - which reminds me everyday to thank him and be grateful for the blessings he has poured into my life. To those of you who might still be in the winter season - do not lose heart! Do not grow weary! Persevere, for I know that God is in control. Do not lose heart, my friends - he does not abandon us!
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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Posted by
Morgan
And yet again I am reminded that God is always fully in control and despite how it feels in the moment, He does know what He's doing. The last three weeks have been such a whirlwind. I literally feel like I've been back at school for ever - but it's not even been a month yet. I have seen God's faithfulness and His provision in ways that I could never have imagined. It's very humbling.
Looking back on last spring and seeing the decisions I made then, I never would have been able to guess that they would have so directly impacted my daily life now, but they do, in HUGE ways. When I came back to school in January of 2010 I wasn't sure I wanted to come back to Lee in August, through that conversation and several other miscommunications/misunderstandings and, what I know now was God's hand at work, I needed a roommate for the fall. I met a girl and within 2 weeks of meeting each other we had decided to live together in the fall. As the semester was coming to a close, I realized that I had made a hasty decision and hadn't prayed about it at all - and was honestly not looking forward to the fall because I had an idea of the trials that lay ahead. In the middle of the summer the girl messaged me and said she would be living off campus, and then I was again without a roommate for the fall.
As August approached I grew more and more anxious about my living situation and who I would be rooming with. I finally got the assignment a few weeks before school. She seemed nice enough, and I was really excited about my suitemates. Well, a few days before I was schedules to move in I find out they have reassigned us all. This fall, my living situation was less than ideal and I was frustrated with God. I didn't understand why I had to endure what I did, but at the end of everyday I knew there was a purpose and I knew I would be okay. I've learned a lot from the three girls I'm still currently living with and they continue to teach me new things every single day - and that is not an exaggeration. I have learned over the last semester how to actually act on the things I say that I believe, especially when it come to loving ones neighbor, or even enemy for that matter.
If you've read any of my blog posts from the last semester you know that it has been a season of refinement, and as I have said before, we are refined through fire. And yeah, more often than not it is painful. God has and still is teaching me about dependence on Him. He is my safe place. Don't ask me why it has taken me so long to fully realize that. Over the last semester I have been in a season of just walking with the Lord, it's really been just me and my Savior and I finally came to the place where that was okay and I was at peace in the midst of the storm. There truly is nothing else like resting in peace of God.
Last semester I had been praying for a friend - a good friend who was on the same page, who was also seeking the Lord, and someone who could walk with me through life. At the same time I was also praying that God would place someone in my life that I could approach about living with in the fall. Little did I know that the answer to both of those prayers would be the same person.
Let's put it all like this: If I hadn't thought about leaving school I would have stayed living with the girls from last year. If I had stayed living with the girls from last year I never would have signed up to live with the girl who decided to live off campus. If I had not signed up to live with her, I wouldn't have been left as a single person to be placed in housing. If that hadn't happened then I wouldn't have been placed with my current roommate, and if I hadn't been placed with her I never would have learned half of the things that I have from this situation. And if I hadn't had been in the position that I was, I wouldn't have been praying for friends and for a new roommate. And if that hadn't happened I wouldn't have met Sarah, and if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be able to look back on all of these difficult circumstances of the past year and a half and see God's hand at work in every hard situation.
The girl who I had prayed to be friends with is now my friend, and not because I won her over or anything, because to be honest, all of our initial interactions outside of class were at my weakest moments of the semester. Translation: I was coming across like an emotional basket case, and she befriended me not because I gave this great first impression, but because God told her to.
As I prayed for a roommate for the fall, she always kept coming to mind and guess what I told God? "Um are you serious? No. There's no way she'd want to live with me, much less be friends with me! We aren't even friends! How am I supposed to approach her about next fall?? She probably already has a roommate she loves. Yeah, God, this is next to impossible....but okay, I'll pray." And I did. I also thought I was crazy. It seemed impossible and completely out of reach, and then the impossible happened. :) Her roommate moved out and she asked me to live with her! Now, it ended up not being able to come through for this semester, but I can see part of why, and that's okay because, like I am learning, God's timing is perfect in all things. [But don't be fooled, I was not always to confident in that last statement. Just take a look at the posts from the beginning of January. God and I had to wrestle through many things over the last few weeks, but by his grace and his patience he softened my heart and brought me back to the truth that I know, not what my humanity feels. And I can confidently say that I know He is in control.]
This week after much prayer (and let's be honest, a lot of freaking out and doubts that she would agree to this) I asked her about housing next year. :) The conversation was a good one. And now I know that I will be living with amazing people in the fall. I'm so beyond blessed and I am floored by God's provision and amazed at His ability to do what seems impossible. Because, as I too often forget, with God all things are possible.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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