Sunsets

Posted by Morgan
There are a lot of different things that I could write about tonight: my frustrations with ResLife at Lee, my current living situation and all that it entails, my classes that make me want to cry, my current desire for money to grow on trees so everyone can stop stressing out about it, or lesson on love and patience that I am apparently in the middle of being taught. All of these things could be a blog post in and of themselves, but tonight, my focus has been redirected, and rightly so.


I spent the last few minutes reading IMPACT 360's blog about the Brazil trip and a post by one of the current student made me instantly flash back to my recent trip to Lebanon and I was struck once again by the importance of that trip and the lessons I learned while there.
Because of the layout of the city of Beirut, we spent a lot of time in the car traveling. As you can see in the picture above, there is not a lot of green. They exploit their land. The city is on the coast (obviously) and there are many mountains and that doesn't stop the building process. There are homes, apartment complexes, and businesses build into the side of mountains. With this in mind, you must understand that because of the way everything is built, if you are up on a mountain you must go down in order to get anywhere else - there is no such thing as cutting across; it's just not laid out like that.


All of that being said, we spend a lot of time in the car and I was privileged to get to see some breathtaking sights. One of my favorite rides was on the way to and from the "Our Lady of Lebanon" statue. In Lebanon the sun starts to go down around 3:30 in the afternoon, which is pretty early compared to what I'm used to. The ride to the statue was one of the most direct paths we took on our entire trip. We just climbed up and up and up and while we were speeding up, we got to see the most breathtaking sight. My mom asked if I was going to try and get a picture and I said no, and that I simply wanted to enjoy it. And that's exactly what I did. We had this amazing view of the ocean and the city. My words seem to be falling so short in description, but if you look at how poorly I am describing this scene, it obviously must have been something magnificent, and it was. On the way back down from the statue, the sun was setting, and it was absolutely flawless. Words truly cannot describe a sunset over the Mediterranean. 


I was listening to a song by Addison Road and I was just taken aback and how blessed and privileged I was to be doing what I was doing. I mean, I was in the MIDDLE EAST. Does that click with people?? The Middle East. We were in the heart of the world. Words cannot describe what my heart was feeling in that moment. It was completely surreal, and for a moment it felt like I was in a dream, a long, beautiful dream. It sounds corny, but it's true. I knew in that moment that I wanted to make the most of this trip. Soak up every second and every experience. I didn't want to miss a single thing that God has for me. The trip was not all sunshine and butterflies, believe me, but there is a different kind of fulfillment that comes when you are solely focused on others. The energy that you find to keep going comes straight from the Lord - and you know it. 


Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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And apparently I'm still falling...

Posted by Morgan
To say I don't understand what God is doing is a massive understatement. I'm so confused, and I know God is not a God of confusion. The word trust has taken on a whole new meaning the past few days. I'm more used to trusting God with things that I have no control over, but for some reason it's been much harder for me to trust him with things that I feel like I could have some influence over. I know trust is trust, but something seem to be harder to let go of. I'm really bad about letting my mind wander in to the world of what if... it's so unhealthy and I have been working very hard the last few days to not let things go far and take each thought captive. 


So I thought I was through falling, well surprise! I wasn't! I'm still falling, I think the earlier part of the week was just the initial jump off the side of the building (again, if you haven't read the Aladdin post from a few days ago, you won't understand this reference). 


This song just came on my iTunes (I'm currently listening to my music on shuffle) and it's been very relevant in other times of my life, and yet again it has showed up to bring me comfort.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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So I've landed...

Posted by Morgan
Disclaimer: This is about to be an exceedingly honest post.


Scroll down just a little and take a look at the post where I reference Aladdin and once you read that, this following sentence will make sense: I've finished my very long fall and I've landed...and it was definitely a rough landing.


I have been challenged like I have not been challenged in a long time. It is a rare moment in time when I actually understand why God does what he does. I am very frustrated. Sometimes I want life to be fair - and it's not, I know that, but I want it to be. Sometimes it feels like you have been dealt a crappy hand and that at some point, you should be able to catch a break, right? Well guess what, God's plans are greater than we can see. I know all of this. I know all the right answers, but at the moment, let's be honest - I don't like my current situation and to say that I'm a little frustrated would be a gross understatement. 


This feels like a really cruel practical joke. Now, I know that God is not mean and not cruel - I'm not saying that he is those things, because hear me clearly - HE IS NOT. What I don't understand is why this opportunity was allowed to be presented to me, especially since it was the EXACT answer to my prayers, only to be taken away from me. That is something I do not understand. It does not seem right.


God and I have spent quite a lot of time discussing this lovely series of events. And I keep getting the same answer in that still, small, quiet voice: Morgan, trust me. Trust. That word can be so hard for me sometimes. Especially when it felt like so many things pointed to the fact that he was going to open the doors that were needed, and he didn't. I know he has a reason for not opening the doors, but I just don't know what the reasons are. 


To say that I'm disappointed is also an understatement. I really really wanted this. I'm upset, I won't hide that. I also don't understand this, don't like this, I'm frustrated, I'm hurt, I'm confused, and I'm not sure how long it will take for me to accept this. I know I have to accept it, and I know it isn't changing, I'm just not there yet. I'm far from okay, but I will be okay...at some point.


I know that God is good, I know that he is faithful, and I know that he is in control and I know that no matter what, he will give me the strength to make it through this semester. I know it all of these things and I also believe all of these things. I know that I will be okay, it's just going to take some time.


Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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No Matter What

Posted by Morgan
As usual, God has placed a song on my heart that applies directly to where I am. It's called "No Matter What" by Kerrie Roberts. The lyrics are really challenging to me, but they are exactly what I need.

I know that no matter what the outcome of this semester is, I know that whatever piece of news I get today will not change the fact that God is faithful. I have spent countless hours in prayer of this current situation and have asked many people to be praying as well. I've been told things like "It could work, but I'm not holding my breath." and "It's a really small chance." but I am reminded that God can take small and make it big. He can take "could" and make it "can". With him all things are possible.

One of the hardest lines in that song for me is this: "Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s okay if You don’t." I have a particularly difficult time singing that line, but God's working on my heart and little by little I feel peace settling in - regardless of the outcome.

Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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"Do you trust me?"

Posted by Morgan
I'm about to compare my life/what I'm learning right now to a Disney movie, so prepare yourself.


You know that scene in Aladdin where Aladdin holds out his hand for Jasmine's and says, "Do you trust me?" and she replies, looking very uncertain, "What?" and he repeats the same statement, "Do you trust me?", with a hesitant "Yes" she places her hand in his and he says "Then jump!" and then they jump off the side of the building. 


I love youtube - people put everything on it! In case you don't remember that part, watch the clip!


I feel like that's where I have been the with Lord the past few days He says to me, "Do you trust me?" and I'm over here going, "Whaaaaat?" as if I don't fully want to answer the question, because I know what comes next. And he repeats it again, "Morgan, do you trust me?" and to which I reply, "Yes I do." And he has gently reminded me that he is in control of all things. I feel like I have taken that jump, I've lept off the side of the building but I haven't landed - I'm still falling. And this fall is a long one. 

I know that in all things, in all circumstances, and in everything, that God is fully and completely in control. Even in what feels like chaos to me, he is in control. Sometimes (more often than I would like) I tend to think that I know what is best, but I don't. Even when the direction that everything is heading feels so wrong, God is constant and faithful. I know he's watching out for me - even when it feels like every where I turn things are falling apart. 

These are a few verses that are really getting me through this: 
"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." -Galatians 6:9
 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." -Romans 8:18
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." -James 1:2-3 (this is pretty much my verse for this school year)

Singing Harmony,
Morgan

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Lebanon Reflections

Posted by Morgan
I don't quite no where to begin in relation to Lebanon. I don't know whether to talk about the logistics of it all: where we went, what we did, and what we saw. Or the things God did in my heart. Or the food, because believe me, I could talk about the food for a while. I just honestly don't know where to begin....so I'm just going to jump right in and see where the words take me. Here we go:


I learned a lot over that trip, but when people ask me what I learned or what God did in my heart, I am at a loss for words. The things that really moved my heart and the things that really changed me aren't things that are easily described. I experienced the power of God in amazing ways and I got to see firsthand how the Lord just poured out his spirit on people who were as dry and thirsty as the ground of the Sahara. I got to see a young girl's eyes move from a place of sadness to a place a happiness, at least for a time. I got to experience God's healing power as he instantly healed me of sickness. 


So I ask you, how do I begin to describe these things in mere words? Where do I begin to try and put words to something that is beyond them? How do I begin to describe the power of God? I am at a loss, yet I will try anyway, even though I feel that no matter how many times I re-write, it will fall short of the actual experience itself, no matter how hard I try. In a way I like that, there is something so powerful in an experience that cannot fully be explained. And at the same time I wish I could download the mental pictures of these things from my heart on to this page.


The first thing that comes to mind when people ask me about the trip is this precious 12 year old girl. She was the daughter of the pastor we were working with in Beirut. God blessed me with the opportunity to have many one-on-one conversations with her and I feel so incredibly blessed to see what God was unfolding in her heart and life. I got to see a girl who had sad eyes when we arrived smile with joy that wasn't there before. I pray for her often, because I was blessed to see part of the work God is doing in her heart.


There was a lot of spiritual warfare on this trip for me. The enemy really tried to use a lot of different situations and circumstances to get to me, and I also got sick. On the night of our last concert I was unable to hear out of one of my ears because my head was so stuffy. Well, let me tell you, it's really hard to see if you are on key when you can't hear yourself out of one ear!  Right before the concert, me, my mom, and Bill were praying and as Bill prayed for me, I swallowed and all of the sudden my ear was completely clear. I stopped Bill from praying and said, "Okay, we're good!" God is so good and faithful, and when we has a plan for you, he will remove or help you over the obstacles that stand in your way.


FInally, on Monday night we got to go back to the Logos Hope (we were also there on Friday night). We had been asked by some of the crew members to come and do some workshops and have a night of worship for the ship's company. This was at the very end of our trip and it was the day before we were leaving and let me just say, we were tired. But again, God never fails. Like I already said, these people were like dry thirsty ground and God came and poured out his spirit and his peace and his power on that place, those people, and that night. God filled our entire band and as he filled us, it overflowed to the crew. There was one moment in particular that stand out: we were over halfway done with the night and we're singing and playing and people are worshiping in so many different languages and God just came and overwhelmed us to heavily that people were falling to their knees and on their faces. All of the sudden all of the band stops playing and is on their knees, I stopped singing on mic and went to my knees, and Bill went to his knees with one hand still on the keyboard trying to play something. It was the most precious time of worship I have had in a long time. These people came away feeling to refreshed and renewed and I am so blessed to have been given the opportunity to be there.


Even as I re-read that previous paragraph, the words are so insufficient to what actually happened. I loved the trip so much. I love the way it was so different than any other trip and I love the way it challenged me. I love what God taught me, and I love what he's still doing in my heart as a result. God is so good.


Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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