New Obstacles

Posted by Morgan
I certainly new that coming home from IMPACT would be hard, but I never really imagined it would be this difficult. I miss IMPACT so much. Satan definitely has me under attack, which is awful. I know we are to consider it joy when we face trials of any kinds, but I must say that it is so easy for me to lose that joy these days.

There's new things I'm currently facing. New challenges on the horizon. New problems to solve. And if I wanted to be super cliche, new mountains to climb. I know, corny right? But it's true. Mountains don't have roots. It's in the valleys when the rain comes and when you grow. I'm certainly learning a lot, that is for sure.

I have nothing else insightful to say, not that the previous paragraphs were.

Singing Harmony,

Morgan
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Stuck in Neutral

Posted by Morgan
Since coming back from IMPACT 360, I have found myself in a very weird mindset. I'm not in drive, I want to be going full force ahead, but I'm not. I'm not in park, because I'm not just sitting here doing nothing and being content with that. I guess I'm in neutral. I'm just rolling along, very slowly. 

Since coming back home, I've noticed that I really want to slip back into old habits. I find myself slipping in to complacency, when everything in me is screaming and wanting to stop it. It's like I'm caught in this cycle of the Bubble. The "Bubble", Peachtree City, the place where almost everything is at surface level. It's like a black hole, and it's rapidly sucking me in. I want to fight it with everything in me, but I feel paralyzed, helpless, and immobilized. 

I'm stuck, I don't want to be where I am. IMPACT has made me discontent with the definition of life people around me seem to be living by. After reading Pickett's blog, I realized she verbalized exactly what I've been trying to. People are content with existing and surviving...not LIVING. So I am trying to live in a place where living is not really living, but just surviving. Trying to make it through, trying to get by. No one seems to really enjoy life anymore. It's like it's a chore. A requirement. Not something that people love. I think that people, especially Christians,  have lost their love of life, and lost sight of why they are living. 

So, I am stuck in neutral, trying to get into drive. I am fighting complacency, and trying to discover a way to live in a place where living, true living, is not normal. I want to redefine what living looks like to the people around me.

Singing Harmony,

Morgan
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Too many thoughts, too little time

Posted by Morgan
At the start of this post it is 3:03 a.m. and I cannot sleep. I considered getting up and continuing to pack up, but that just depressed me. I cried for a little while, the end of IMPACT is pretty much the saddest thing I have EVER thought about. And right about now I would pretty much just prefer to never leave this place. I have an the most amazing and life-changing year, and I never would have imagined it. I've learned so much, I've grown so much, and God has taught me so much. Goodness, how about I saw "so much" a few more times. I guess that's what I get for posting this late at night...not a whole lot of diverse vocabulary coming to mind.

But right now what I'm currently thinking about is the next few days. We have class and just time to hang out. And honestly, I want to just cry the whole time, well I don't particularly WANT to, but that is probably what will happen. All day today I've been crying on and off. I've been packing up my room, which feels like packing up my life. I don't like putting things in boxes, it feels like the end, and maybe because it is. Ugh, it's awful. I honestly do not know how I am going to make it through the summer without these people right beside me. At this point in time it is so hard to even imagine being happy somewhere else. I love it here. I love the town, I love the people in the town, I love my class, I love the staff, I love this campus, I even love the work we do. So basically, I just love IMPACT 360. 

Right now my entire IMPACT life is all over the floor of room 17. From homework assignments, books, hand-written notes and craft supplies, to speeches, hangers, and even to jewelry, my life is everywhere. Tonight I cleaned out my desk...and now everything I'm still keeping is on top of it. I also cleaned out under the sink...and that was gross, but now it is really clean. I also put away all the clothes I won't need from now until friday in boxes. Oh my gosh, so depressing. I hate it. I hate leaving and I hate saying goodbye. I know that change is necessary and I know that it is needed sometimes, but that does NOT mean that I have to like it or be excited about it, because I'm not. Not at all, and not this change. Other changes - maybe - but not this one. This one is just plain AWFUL.

Leaving is just plain awful. Goodness, one of my top strengths is positivity and here I am being all pessimistic. Oh well. I'm too far into this mindset to change it right now. All I know is that I want to spend these last few days with people. I never want to be alone. Goodness, I am surely going to miss this place.


Singing Harmony,

Morgan
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