Joy & Peace

Posted by Morgan
When some people write they have these lovely little ways to start off their stories. They cleverly come up with a creative way to lead in to what they are going to say. Well, I'm generally not one of those people, so here we go...

Today I'm flooded with a strange mixture of emotions. One of my best friends is officially on her way to South Africa. She's on the plane right now flying somewhere over the ocean. Three years is a long time. So much will happen over the course of the next three years. That very thought makes me both incredibly sad and excited.  I will/do miss her and I will not deny that it will be an adjustment to not be able to pick up the phone and call or text her. But God is more than sufficient.

When I think about the "sad" part of this it sounds so selfish. This is probably due to the fact that it is. I want her here with me. I want here in the same time zone. I want her on this continent. But what I want more than all of that is for her to follow where the Lord is leading her - and she is! I could not be happier. And right here is where we transition into the joyful side of this.

Many things make me happy, but this is something that brings me joy. I'm a incredibly empathetic person (anyone reading this already knows this fact very well). Most people think of empathy in relation to sadness (Don't confuse empathy and sympathy! But that's another topic for another time...). Empathy also comes in with happy situations. I literally rejoice with my friends. I rejoice with my friend in this new journey! I am so excited for her.  I have such a peace in my heart and I know and trust that she is following where the Lord is leading her. Knowing that one of my best friends is doing what she loves, using the passions and gifts God has given her, in a country she adores fills my heart with peace and joy. Those things far exceed the sadness I feel.

Hanna's flying across the ocean and while I definitely have (and will probably continue to have) my moments where I cry and miss her, I rejoice with her and for her in this new opportunity. I cannot wait to hear the things God is doing in her heart and in her life. God has provided for her and opened the door that she (and I) have been praying for. 

Like I said, it's a strange mixture of emotions. Even in the midst of all this I am reminded that God has provided for me, too. While her friendship is most definitely irreplaceable(and I wouldn't dream or even want to ever try!), God has brought some new people in my life to walk with me through this next season - and especially this summer. This summer will probably be the biggest adjustment to her being gone and I am thankful that the Lord has placed people in my life to walk with me and also push me towards Him in the process. I'm blessed and I'm grateful. 

God is good. I'm am at peace. I know I will see her soon; July 1st is just around the corner...

Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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Life Lessons

Posted by Morgan
I went to a funeral today and I walked away once again with a feeling of inspiration. I generally do walk away from funerals feeling inspired to go out and actually do something with my life, but this one was different for some reason. I walked away feeling inspired, yes, but also, with a small glimpse of what I want people to say about me when I'm no longer here.


I was reminded of the importance of seeking after the Lord, of telling people how much I truly do care, and remember that life is short - so say what matters, don't take yourself too seriously, and LIVE. I feel like so often we get caught up in making it through this life and we lose sight of what it means to actually live. We are not put on this earth to live hell to go to heaven. We can have joy and freedom in Christ, now I'm not at all saying that this life will be super easy, not by any means, because honestly, it will not. If you didn't already know that, I'm very sorry, but welcome to the reality of this life. Life is hard; but God is good. At the end of the day, if your focus is on him and on him alone that is where you will find all that you need.


So I caught of glimpse of the person I want to become. I caught a glimpse of how short and fragile life is. I was reminded of the beauty of God's love and all-encompassing grace. I was blessed by the life of a man I never even knew.


So here's what I'm taking away from today:
1. Say what matters. Tell people about Jesus - It's a matter of life or death. Say I love you - and mean it, you don't know when God will call you home. We are not promised tomorrow - not to be morbid, I'm just being real. 
2. Love people. This kind of goes back to the "say I love you" rant I just got off of, but seriously, love people. One of the biggest compliments I can get is that I they feel loved by me. Christ loved people - so should we. Love people and love them well.
3. Live. Don't take yourself too seriously and get caught up in the daily things that drag us down. Don't lose sight of the fact that we have life in Christ. This life is fleeting - so live out every moment that we are given. Like I said, we are not promised tomorrow.


Maybe you find this all a little to clique. I'm okay with that. You might find this far to predictable, and I'm okay with that too. 


Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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I Would Die for You

Posted by Morgan
I currently have 5 unfinished posts that I've been working on for over a month. Every single time that I sit down to write something, I hit a block - a big one. In all honesty, it's a God-sized block. In all things, God's timing is perfect. This song captures a part of what God's doing in my heart. My favorite line in the whole song is in the very first verse, so don't miss it. It says "And I pray that you will use my life, in whatever name your name is glorified, even if surrendering means leaving everything behind."


Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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Oh so this is what this looks like...

Posted by Morgan
What I'm currently learning(again): When we pray for something, we have a picture in our heads of what that answered prayer will look like. Well guess what, God may answer that prayer, but chances are it won't look just like the pretty little picture we have our heads. Bottom line: God's answer to some of my prayers look differently than I wanted. [But that's okay. I'm constantly reminded as of late: His ways, not mine.]


I've asked God for opportunities to live out the things I believe [not in those exact words, but that was the general idea]. I told the Lord that I want people to see him in my actions and in my words and in how I live my life. Well guess what - God has been giving me plenty of opportunities to live these things out - and it's hard. It's easy to imagine loving people who you LIKE - it's a whole different story when you don't like the people God has placed in your life for you love. Those people that truly need to hear about and see the love of God I don't even like that much. So hard - so frustrating - so humbling.


I've been reminded a lot of God's impartiality towards us. No one is better, no one is worse; we are all sinners. He loves us all - yet why do I look down on other people? Why do I treat others as less than some? As a friend of my said to me the other day, I'm constantly being reminded of the depths of my depravity and that I would be absolutely nothing with out Christ. He's given me an opportunity that is constantly there to show love to two people who right now are the hardest for me to show love to. It's small baby steps that I'm taking - but I'm getting there, and only by the strength of the Lord that I am continuing onward. If I was trying to do this in my own strength I would fail and fall over and over again - believe me, I know because I have all of last semester as proof of that very fact.


I'm learning over and over again to die to myself - my life is to glorify my King, not myself. I wouldn't want it any other way. Thank goodness God's grace is sufficient for all things - I am so desperately in need of it every day. 

Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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Blessed Beyond Words

Posted by Morgan
I think this is the first time in a long time that I've broken my own rule: never title a blog before you write it. Well, I just did. Whoops. Live on the edge, right? ;) But in all seriousness, there's nothing else I could write about right now other than this, therefore, I know that I shall not deviate from the topic that the title implies.


Throughout my life God has always shown up and revealed to me that He is working and moving in my life. I've always known that and there have been so many different things He's done throughout my life to show me that I am in the right place but never have I been so sure of anything else in my life thus far: I am in the right place. God has never confirmed something so many times and in so many ways. His provision is far beyond what I could have ever imagined - and in so many different ways.


God shown up to tangibly in my life in so many different ways and I am so humbled and blessed beyond words - it's true. This past week I've been walking around campus and suddenly I'll notice that people are looking at me kind of funny, and then I realize that I've been walking around with this ridiculously huge smile on my face, and I can't even pinpoint a single reason why because there are so many! 


I've come out of a season of pain and trial and am currently walking in a season of joy and reaping of the blessings that God has placed in my life. I am not under some crazy delusion that life will be all sunshine and butterflies from here on out - absolutely not. Life comes in seasons - but until the seasons change, I'm going to enjoy the one that I am in. I can't explain the freedom I feel right now. I can't find the words to adequately thank the Lord for all that he has done and is doing and will do, and I can't find the words to correctly describe the state of my heart. It is literally indescribable. 


And guys - FRIENDS! I have some friends!!!! God is so so so good to me. I don't deserve any of it - which reminds me everyday to thank him and be grateful for the blessings he has poured into my life. To those of you who might still be in the winter season - do not lose heart! Do not grow weary! Persevere, for I know that God is in control. Do not lose heart, my friends - he does not abandon us!


Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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Provision :)

Posted by Morgan
And yet again I am reminded that God is always fully in control and despite how it feels in the moment, He does know what He's doing. The last three weeks have been such a whirlwind. I literally feel like I've been back at school for ever - but it's not even been a month yet. I have seen God's faithfulness and His provision in ways that I could never have imagined. It's very humbling. 


Looking back on last spring and seeing the decisions I made then, I never would have been able to guess that they would have so directly impacted my daily life now, but they do, in HUGE ways. When I came back to school in January of 2010 I wasn't sure I wanted to come back to Lee in August, through that conversation and several other miscommunications/misunderstandings and, what I know now was God's hand at work, I needed a roommate for the fall. I met a girl and within 2 weeks of meeting each other we had decided to live together in the fall. As the semester was coming to a close, I realized that I had made a hasty decision and hadn't prayed about it at all - and was honestly not looking forward to the fall because I had an idea of the trials that lay ahead. In the middle of the summer the girl messaged me and said she would be living off campus, and then I was again without a roommate for the fall.


As August approached I grew more and more anxious about my living situation and who I would be rooming with. I finally got the assignment a few weeks before school. She seemed nice enough, and I was really excited about my suitemates. Well, a few days before I was schedules to move in I find out they have reassigned us all. This fall, my living situation was less than ideal and I was frustrated with God. I didn't understand why I had to endure what I did, but at the end of everyday I knew there was a purpose and I knew I would be okay. I've learned a lot from the three girls I'm still currently living with and they continue to teach me new things every single day - and that is not an exaggeration. I have learned over the last semester how to actually act on the things I say that I believe, especially when it come to loving ones neighbor, or even enemy for that matter. 


If you've read any of my blog posts from the last semester you know that it has been a season of refinement, and as I have said before, we are refined through fire. And yeah, more often than not it is painful. God has and still is teaching me about dependence on Him. He is my safe place. Don't ask me why it has taken me so long to fully realize that. Over the last semester I have been in a season of just  walking with the Lord, it's really been just me and my Savior and I finally came to the place where that was okay and I was at peace in the midst of the storm. There truly is nothing else like resting in peace of God.


Last semester I had been praying for a friend - a good friend who was on the same page, who was also seeking the Lord, and someone who could walk with me through life. At the same time I was also praying that God would place someone in my life that I could approach about living with in the fall. Little did I know that the answer to both of those prayers would be the same person. 


Let's put it all like this: If I hadn't thought about leaving school I would have stayed living with the girls from last year. If I had stayed living with the girls from last year I never would have signed up to live with the girl who decided to live off campus. If I had not signed up to live with her, I wouldn't have been left as a single person to be placed in housing. If that hadn't happened then I wouldn't have been placed with my current roommate, and if I hadn't been placed with her I never would have learned half of the things that I have from this situation. And if I hadn't had been in the position that I was, I wouldn't have been praying for friends and for a new roommate. And if that hadn't happened I wouldn't have met Sarah, and if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be able to look back on all of these difficult circumstances of the past year and a half and see God's hand at work in every hard situation. 


The girl who I had prayed to be friends with is now my friend, and not because I won her over or anything, because to be honest, all of our initial interactions outside of class were at my weakest moments of the semester. Translation: I was coming across like an emotional basket case, and she befriended me not because I gave this great first impression, but because God told her to. 


As I prayed for a roommate for the fall, she always kept coming to mind and guess what I told God? "Um are you serious? No. There's no way she'd want to live with me, much less be friends with me! We aren't even friends! How am I supposed to approach her about next fall?? She probably already has a roommate she loves. Yeah, God, this is next to impossible....but okay, I'll pray." And I did. I also thought I was crazy. It seemed impossible and completely out of reach, and then the impossible happened. :) Her roommate moved out and she asked me to live with her! Now, it ended up not being able to come through for this semester, but I can see part of why, and that's okay because, like I am learning, God's timing is perfect in all things. [But don't be fooled, I was not always to confident in that last statement. Just take a look at the posts from the beginning of January. God and I had to wrestle through many things over the last few weeks, but by his grace and his patience he softened my heart and brought me back to the truth that I know, not what my humanity feels. And I can confidently say that I know He is in control.]


This week after much prayer (and let's be honest, a lot of freaking out and doubts that she would agree to this) I asked her about housing next year. :) The conversation was a good one. And now I know that I will be living with amazing people in the fall. I'm so beyond blessed and I am floored by God's provision and amazed at His ability to do what seems impossible. Because, as I too often forget, with God all things are possible. 


Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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Sunsets

Posted by Morgan
There are a lot of different things that I could write about tonight: my frustrations with ResLife at Lee, my current living situation and all that it entails, my classes that make me want to cry, my current desire for money to grow on trees so everyone can stop stressing out about it, or lesson on love and patience that I am apparently in the middle of being taught. All of these things could be a blog post in and of themselves, but tonight, my focus has been redirected, and rightly so.


I spent the last few minutes reading IMPACT 360's blog about the Brazil trip and a post by one of the current student made me instantly flash back to my recent trip to Lebanon and I was struck once again by the importance of that trip and the lessons I learned while there.
Because of the layout of the city of Beirut, we spent a lot of time in the car traveling. As you can see in the picture above, there is not a lot of green. They exploit their land. The city is on the coast (obviously) and there are many mountains and that doesn't stop the building process. There are homes, apartment complexes, and businesses build into the side of mountains. With this in mind, you must understand that because of the way everything is built, if you are up on a mountain you must go down in order to get anywhere else - there is no such thing as cutting across; it's just not laid out like that.


All of that being said, we spend a lot of time in the car and I was privileged to get to see some breathtaking sights. One of my favorite rides was on the way to and from the "Our Lady of Lebanon" statue. In Lebanon the sun starts to go down around 3:30 in the afternoon, which is pretty early compared to what I'm used to. The ride to the statue was one of the most direct paths we took on our entire trip. We just climbed up and up and up and while we were speeding up, we got to see the most breathtaking sight. My mom asked if I was going to try and get a picture and I said no, and that I simply wanted to enjoy it. And that's exactly what I did. We had this amazing view of the ocean and the city. My words seem to be falling so short in description, but if you look at how poorly I am describing this scene, it obviously must have been something magnificent, and it was. On the way back down from the statue, the sun was setting, and it was absolutely flawless. Words truly cannot describe a sunset over the Mediterranean. 


I was listening to a song by Addison Road and I was just taken aback and how blessed and privileged I was to be doing what I was doing. I mean, I was in the MIDDLE EAST. Does that click with people?? The Middle East. We were in the heart of the world. Words cannot describe what my heart was feeling in that moment. It was completely surreal, and for a moment it felt like I was in a dream, a long, beautiful dream. It sounds corny, but it's true. I knew in that moment that I wanted to make the most of this trip. Soak up every second and every experience. I didn't want to miss a single thing that God has for me. The trip was not all sunshine and butterflies, believe me, but there is a different kind of fulfillment that comes when you are solely focused on others. The energy that you find to keep going comes straight from the Lord - and you know it. 


Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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And apparently I'm still falling...

Posted by Morgan
To say I don't understand what God is doing is a massive understatement. I'm so confused, and I know God is not a God of confusion. The word trust has taken on a whole new meaning the past few days. I'm more used to trusting God with things that I have no control over, but for some reason it's been much harder for me to trust him with things that I feel like I could have some influence over. I know trust is trust, but something seem to be harder to let go of. I'm really bad about letting my mind wander in to the world of what if... it's so unhealthy and I have been working very hard the last few days to not let things go far and take each thought captive. 


So I thought I was through falling, well surprise! I wasn't! I'm still falling, I think the earlier part of the week was just the initial jump off the side of the building (again, if you haven't read the Aladdin post from a few days ago, you won't understand this reference). 


This song just came on my iTunes (I'm currently listening to my music on shuffle) and it's been very relevant in other times of my life, and yet again it has showed up to bring me comfort.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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So I've landed...

Posted by Morgan
Disclaimer: This is about to be an exceedingly honest post.


Scroll down just a little and take a look at the post where I reference Aladdin and once you read that, this following sentence will make sense: I've finished my very long fall and I've landed...and it was definitely a rough landing.


I have been challenged like I have not been challenged in a long time. It is a rare moment in time when I actually understand why God does what he does. I am very frustrated. Sometimes I want life to be fair - and it's not, I know that, but I want it to be. Sometimes it feels like you have been dealt a crappy hand and that at some point, you should be able to catch a break, right? Well guess what, God's plans are greater than we can see. I know all of this. I know all the right answers, but at the moment, let's be honest - I don't like my current situation and to say that I'm a little frustrated would be a gross understatement. 


This feels like a really cruel practical joke. Now, I know that God is not mean and not cruel - I'm not saying that he is those things, because hear me clearly - HE IS NOT. What I don't understand is why this opportunity was allowed to be presented to me, especially since it was the EXACT answer to my prayers, only to be taken away from me. That is something I do not understand. It does not seem right.


God and I have spent quite a lot of time discussing this lovely series of events. And I keep getting the same answer in that still, small, quiet voice: Morgan, trust me. Trust. That word can be so hard for me sometimes. Especially when it felt like so many things pointed to the fact that he was going to open the doors that were needed, and he didn't. I know he has a reason for not opening the doors, but I just don't know what the reasons are. 


To say that I'm disappointed is also an understatement. I really really wanted this. I'm upset, I won't hide that. I also don't understand this, don't like this, I'm frustrated, I'm hurt, I'm confused, and I'm not sure how long it will take for me to accept this. I know I have to accept it, and I know it isn't changing, I'm just not there yet. I'm far from okay, but I will be okay...at some point.


I know that God is good, I know that he is faithful, and I know that he is in control and I know that no matter what, he will give me the strength to make it through this semester. I know it all of these things and I also believe all of these things. I know that I will be okay, it's just going to take some time.


Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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No Matter What

Posted by Morgan
As usual, God has placed a song on my heart that applies directly to where I am. It's called "No Matter What" by Kerrie Roberts. The lyrics are really challenging to me, but they are exactly what I need.

I know that no matter what the outcome of this semester is, I know that whatever piece of news I get today will not change the fact that God is faithful. I have spent countless hours in prayer of this current situation and have asked many people to be praying as well. I've been told things like "It could work, but I'm not holding my breath." and "It's a really small chance." but I am reminded that God can take small and make it big. He can take "could" and make it "can". With him all things are possible.

One of the hardest lines in that song for me is this: "Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s okay if You don’t." I have a particularly difficult time singing that line, but God's working on my heart and little by little I feel peace settling in - regardless of the outcome.

Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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"Do you trust me?"

Posted by Morgan
I'm about to compare my life/what I'm learning right now to a Disney movie, so prepare yourself.


You know that scene in Aladdin where Aladdin holds out his hand for Jasmine's and says, "Do you trust me?" and she replies, looking very uncertain, "What?" and he repeats the same statement, "Do you trust me?", with a hesitant "Yes" she places her hand in his and he says "Then jump!" and then they jump off the side of the building. 


I love youtube - people put everything on it! In case you don't remember that part, watch the clip!


I feel like that's where I have been the with Lord the past few days He says to me, "Do you trust me?" and I'm over here going, "Whaaaaat?" as if I don't fully want to answer the question, because I know what comes next. And he repeats it again, "Morgan, do you trust me?" and to which I reply, "Yes I do." And he has gently reminded me that he is in control of all things. I feel like I have taken that jump, I've lept off the side of the building but I haven't landed - I'm still falling. And this fall is a long one. 

I know that in all things, in all circumstances, and in everything, that God is fully and completely in control. Even in what feels like chaos to me, he is in control. Sometimes (more often than I would like) I tend to think that I know what is best, but I don't. Even when the direction that everything is heading feels so wrong, God is constant and faithful. I know he's watching out for me - even when it feels like every where I turn things are falling apart. 

These are a few verses that are really getting me through this: 
"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." -Galatians 6:9
 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." -Romans 8:18
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." -James 1:2-3 (this is pretty much my verse for this school year)

Singing Harmony,
Morgan

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Lebanon Reflections

Posted by Morgan
I don't quite no where to begin in relation to Lebanon. I don't know whether to talk about the logistics of it all: where we went, what we did, and what we saw. Or the things God did in my heart. Or the food, because believe me, I could talk about the food for a while. I just honestly don't know where to begin....so I'm just going to jump right in and see where the words take me. Here we go:


I learned a lot over that trip, but when people ask me what I learned or what God did in my heart, I am at a loss for words. The things that really moved my heart and the things that really changed me aren't things that are easily described. I experienced the power of God in amazing ways and I got to see firsthand how the Lord just poured out his spirit on people who were as dry and thirsty as the ground of the Sahara. I got to see a young girl's eyes move from a place of sadness to a place a happiness, at least for a time. I got to experience God's healing power as he instantly healed me of sickness. 


So I ask you, how do I begin to describe these things in mere words? Where do I begin to try and put words to something that is beyond them? How do I begin to describe the power of God? I am at a loss, yet I will try anyway, even though I feel that no matter how many times I re-write, it will fall short of the actual experience itself, no matter how hard I try. In a way I like that, there is something so powerful in an experience that cannot fully be explained. And at the same time I wish I could download the mental pictures of these things from my heart on to this page.


The first thing that comes to mind when people ask me about the trip is this precious 12 year old girl. She was the daughter of the pastor we were working with in Beirut. God blessed me with the opportunity to have many one-on-one conversations with her and I feel so incredibly blessed to see what God was unfolding in her heart and life. I got to see a girl who had sad eyes when we arrived smile with joy that wasn't there before. I pray for her often, because I was blessed to see part of the work God is doing in her heart.


There was a lot of spiritual warfare on this trip for me. The enemy really tried to use a lot of different situations and circumstances to get to me, and I also got sick. On the night of our last concert I was unable to hear out of one of my ears because my head was so stuffy. Well, let me tell you, it's really hard to see if you are on key when you can't hear yourself out of one ear!  Right before the concert, me, my mom, and Bill were praying and as Bill prayed for me, I swallowed and all of the sudden my ear was completely clear. I stopped Bill from praying and said, "Okay, we're good!" God is so good and faithful, and when we has a plan for you, he will remove or help you over the obstacles that stand in your way.


FInally, on Monday night we got to go back to the Logos Hope (we were also there on Friday night). We had been asked by some of the crew members to come and do some workshops and have a night of worship for the ship's company. This was at the very end of our trip and it was the day before we were leaving and let me just say, we were tired. But again, God never fails. Like I already said, these people were like dry thirsty ground and God came and poured out his spirit and his peace and his power on that place, those people, and that night. God filled our entire band and as he filled us, it overflowed to the crew. There was one moment in particular that stand out: we were over halfway done with the night and we're singing and playing and people are worshiping in so many different languages and God just came and overwhelmed us to heavily that people were falling to their knees and on their faces. All of the sudden all of the band stops playing and is on their knees, I stopped singing on mic and went to my knees, and Bill went to his knees with one hand still on the keyboard trying to play something. It was the most precious time of worship I have had in a long time. These people came away feeling to refreshed and renewed and I am so blessed to have been given the opportunity to be there.


Even as I re-read that previous paragraph, the words are so insufficient to what actually happened. I loved the trip so much. I love the way it was so different than any other trip and I love the way it challenged me. I love what God taught me, and I love what he's still doing in my heart as a result. God is so good.


Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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