I don't even know what to think or feel right now. I am so beyond confused. I am ready for school. I'm ready to get out of this bubble of a town and be around people my own age again. I'm ready to focus on school. August, will you hurry up already?!
God has recently been teaching me a lot in the area of relationships. I'm not in one, but I'm definitely learning a lot about them. Also, it's wedding season, and there are weddings going on and people getting engaged left and right. In the last year I've been to or been invited to at least 7 weddings. A ton of people are starting THAT new phase of their life and then there's me. Still single, and to my surprise, every content to be there. Now, with all the weddings and things God has been teaching me, relationships and marriage has been a topic I have been thinking a lot about. And yesterday I learned something about those very things.
I went over to my neighbor's house to return a CD I had borrowed, and when I rang the doorbell I was greeted by the two little girls that live there. One is 8 and the other is almost 4. And when they came to the door they were all dressed up - hair, make-up, the works! - and i realized that I had come for dress-up hour, but not just any dress-up hour, it was wedding day! I went into the house and the girls gave me hugs and told me they were getting married. And I began to observe them in a different way from that moment on. The oldest was wearing a beautiful white dress that went to the floor, her hair had been carefully pinned back to the best of an 8 year-old's abilities, and her make-up had been diligently applied. She looked beautiful. She was wearing shoes with sparkles and some delicate jewelry. And she told me that I was just in time for her wedding, and that she had been getting ready and was really excited. As she told me that she spun around and showed me her dress and her eyes sparkled as she told me she was marrying Prince Aladdin. And I said, "Oh! You are! How wonderful! And, you're dress is GORGEOUS! I love it. You are a beautiful bride." And as I gave her those words she had obviously been wanting to hear, I watched her eyes sparkle and her posture got a little better and she walked taller. She felt important and valued, and - BEAUTIFUL.
By this time, the youngest had waited to talk to me as long as she could! She burst out and began to tell me that she was getting married TOO! And that she was her sister's maid of honor, and that her sister was hers too. She then began to lunch into her wedding plans, telling me that she was marrying Prince Eric and that her outfit was different from her sister's cause she liked this one better. She was wearing more of a medieval looking outfit mixed with a lady pirate costume from halloween that her sister wore a few years ago. She looked absolutely adorable. She then told me about her make-up and how she had put on the lipstick - which was really just colored lip-gloss, and how her sister had done her hair with a flower in it, and as she told me she turned so I could carefully examine every detail of her face, hair, and outfit. And as I complimented her just as I had her sister, her smile went straight to her eyes and she got so excited she did a little spin in her outfit, making her skirt twirl out, and she said, with great enthusiasm, "I can't wait to get married!!"
They invited me to stay for the wedding and so, of course, I stayed. I went upstairs to talk to their mom and they said they were going to go have the rehearsal and that they would call them when they were ready for guests. And after they called me half a dozen times, I finally went back downstairs and received instructions from the other room to sit on the couch. And I did as I was told and then I heard the announcement, "The wedding is starting....NOW!" And then I heard the clicking of their shoes on the hardwood floors in the foyer and then I saw the oldest, who was getting married first, come in with her sister carrying the train of her dress, and turned to face me. She told me that her prince is standing in front of her. Then she sent her sister back to the foyer multiple times, first to be a flower girl, then a ring bearer, and then finally, the maid of honor. When her whole bridal party had entered, she looked at her invisible prince and said "okay we are married now, let's go to the party!" At the "party" she through the flowers to me and her sister and danced for a minute and then it was time for the second wedding. And it went basically the exact same way.
As I sat on the couch watching two little girls who I have watched grow up, 'get married', I noticed the way they smiled, the way the youngest got so excited to be a bride. When the weddings were over they both run up the stairs and told their mother that they got married. I realized that I never truly understood how much little girls desire to feel beautiful. To them, the wedding was about one thing, beauty. They wanted to be beautiful. They loved feeling special. I sat and watched this beautiful picture of innocence and I began to pray for them, that God would protect that in them. I guess I didn't realize how early on it is shown that it's every little girl's dream to be beautiful.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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3
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A few weeks ago I started interning at a church in my area. And let me say that it is by far the coolest thing I could have done this summer. I could not have asked for a better group of people to be working with since I left IMPACT. It has been wonderful and incredible and I am working with AMAZING people. I was seriously doubting that there were going to be cool people outside of the IMPACT world...and yes I do understand how ridiculous that mindset was.
God has placed a team of people in my life this summer to be my support system in the crazy town I live in, and I want to tell you about them because I think that they are basically the coolest thing since IMPACT :). First off, the staff I'm working with! Shane and Bryan are the two youth pastors - the church is huge - and they have been such an encouragement to me. They truly want to come beside me and help me learn. I appreciate it so much. They are funny and goofy, but also, they know when it's time to be serious, and they are amazing at doing that, too. Then there is Jonee' - the assistant student minister - she is amazing. She's 30 and really wants to get to know me and invest in me. How cool is that?! She is hilarious...and she tells it like she sees it and I love that. Then there are the two other interns - INCREDIBLE guys! J-Mac! That crazy boy. He's working on his masters at Liberty and is an insane dancer. His attitude is so chill and so calm that it's wonderful. He keeps me grounded when I want to freak out, actually both of them (the guys) do that. Speaking of the other one, that would be Matt. He's awesome. He and J-Mac both know how to calm me down...which as most of you know is an important skill to have. Matt is my age and he goes to Shorter College. Matt is the middle ground between my personality and J-Mac's. I'm the more detailed person and the more upbeat kind of person, J-Mac is the chill, laid-back, whatever kind of person, and Matt, well he's the middle. He finds a great balance of both.
I love this summer. I love the people God has placed in my life. I love what he's doing. Life is amazing. God has placed some huge blessings in my life...and I could not be more surprised and what they have brought to my life.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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1 comments
I certainly new that coming home from IMPACT would be hard, but I never really imagined it would be this difficult. I miss IMPACT so much. Satan definitely has me under attack, which is awful. I know we are to consider it joy when we face trials of any kinds, but I must say that it is so easy for me to lose that joy these days.
There's new things I'm currently facing. New challenges on the horizon. New problems to solve. And if I wanted to be super cliche, new mountains to climb. I know, corny right? But it's true. Mountains don't have roots. It's in the valleys when the rain comes and when you grow. I'm certainly learning a lot, that is for sure.
I have nothing else insightful to say, not that the previous paragraphs were.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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1 comments
Since coming back from IMPACT 360, I have found myself in a very weird mindset. I'm not in drive, I want to be going full force ahead, but I'm not. I'm not in park, because I'm not just sitting here doing nothing and being content with that. I guess I'm in neutral. I'm just rolling along, very slowly.
Since coming back home, I've noticed that I really want to slip back into old habits. I find myself slipping in to complacency, when everything in me is screaming and wanting to stop it. It's like I'm caught in this cycle of the Bubble. The "Bubble", Peachtree City, the place where almost everything is at surface level. It's like a black hole, and it's rapidly sucking me in. I want to fight it with everything in me, but I feel paralyzed, helpless, and immobilized.
I'm stuck, I don't want to be where I am. IMPACT has made me discontent with the definition of life people around me seem to be living by. After reading Pickett's blog, I realized she verbalized exactly what I've been trying to. People are content with existing and surviving...not LIVING. So I am trying to live in a place where living is not really living, but just surviving. Trying to make it through, trying to get by. No one seems to really enjoy life anymore. It's like it's a chore. A requirement. Not something that people love. I think that people, especially Christians, have lost their love of life, and lost sight of why they are living.
So, I am stuck in neutral, trying to get into drive. I am fighting complacency, and trying to discover a way to live in a place where living, true living, is not normal. I want to redefine what living looks like to the people around me.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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1 comments
At the start of this post it is 3:03 a.m. and I cannot sleep. I considered getting up and continuing to pack up, but that just depressed me. I cried for a little while, the end of IMPACT is pretty much the saddest thing I have EVER thought about. And right about now I would pretty much just prefer to never leave this place. I have an the most amazing and life-changing year, and I never would have imagined it. I've learned so much, I've grown so much, and God has taught me so much. Goodness, how about I saw "so much" a few more times. I guess that's what I get for posting this late at night...not a whole lot of diverse vocabulary coming to mind.
But right now what I'm currently thinking about is the next few days. We have class and just time to hang out. And honestly, I want to just cry the whole time, well I don't particularly WANT to, but that is probably what will happen. All day today I've been crying on and off. I've been packing up my room, which feels like packing up my life. I don't like putting things in boxes, it feels like the end, and maybe because it is. Ugh, it's awful. I honestly do not know how I am going to make it through the summer without these people right beside me. At this point in time it is so hard to even imagine being happy somewhere else. I love it here. I love the town, I love the people in the town, I love my class, I love the staff, I love this campus, I even love the work we do. So basically, I just love IMPACT 360.
Right now my entire IMPACT life is all over the floor of room 17. From homework assignments, books, hand-written notes and craft supplies, to speeches, hangers, and even to jewelry, my life is everywhere. Tonight I cleaned out my desk...and now everything I'm still keeping is on top of it. I also cleaned out under the sink...and that was gross, but now it is really clean. I also put away all the clothes I won't need from now until friday in boxes. Oh my gosh, so depressing. I hate it. I hate leaving and I hate saying goodbye. I know that change is necessary and I know that it is needed sometimes, but that does NOT mean that I have to like it or be excited about it, because I'm not. Not at all, and not this change. Other changes - maybe - but not this one. This one is just plain AWFUL.
Leaving is just plain awful. Goodness, one of my top strengths is positivity and here I am being all pessimistic. Oh well. I'm too far into this mindset to change it right now. All I know is that I want to spend these last few days with people. I never want to be alone. Goodness, I am surely going to miss this place.
Singing Harmony,
Morgan
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As I sit here, I cannot believe that IMPACT is drawing to a close. It seems like such a short time ago I was stressing about what to do for the fall of 2008 and here I am, getting ready to gear up for summer of 2009! It's basically insane!
Coming to IMPACT has been the best decision of my life...so far anyway! This place has prepared me in so many ways, but at the same time, it's also shown me that I have SO much to learn. Which is actually really exciting to me. I'm excited for the summer...whatever that may bring. And I'm excited for the fall...which will bring some interesting things. I have decided to attend Lee University in Cleveland, Tennessee. I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be an amazing experience for sure.
Man, IMPACT is ending and summer is beginning. Right now, it's basically impossible to imagine leaving here and moving out....it makes me cry so hard and makes me realize how much I will miss this amazing atmosphere and community that's been building over the past nine months. I love these people....I honestly do. They, while we all come with our little quirks, are amazing and I truly do love them.
It's hard for me to say I'm excited about the summer, because that means leaving here....but I think I'm getting to the point where I can truly look forward to what the Lord is going to bring. Backing up will be hard, saying goodbye will be awful, but actually driving away...that will be the worst. But I know that there are seasons in life, and right now, the leaves are changing.
Singing Harmony with my King,
Morgan
Category:
goodbyes,
IMPACT 360
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